Baby Gear Guru

How cute is this sling I found at Maya’s Wrap? I mean seriously. They’ve been toting the little people around like this for years everywhere else in the world. It’s high-time we followed suit.

My Little Lady dwinks up every time, now that her Baby Rice Dreams & 100% Mango Juice Boxes are kept safe and sound by an adorable $5 dwink pwotector.

I don’t want to encourage her to have a lisp or anything, but just this once, I think it’s okay. I should probably get used to making exceptions anyway now that I’m a mother.

I don’t mean to be “one of those bragging moms”, but I simply must say that I think I may be raising a future Alicia Keys over here. Beautiful Baby has some serious skills on the keyboard.

Nana & Pop Pop bought this baby piano for her on Ebay, and she’s been banging away playing beautifully ever since.

   The painful truth is that your baby will grow up to be cooler than you.  It’s inevitable.   The reality will probably dawn on you like this:  One afternoon in the year 2020, you will be getting crunk in the living room to your favorite CD of the Notorious B.I.G, or maybe you will be rocking out to Bright Eyes.   You will be under the impression that you are awesome.  

However, it will be at moments like this that your teenager, desperately embarrassed by your very existence, will be praying fervently that you will be called away on some sort of extended business trip that will miraculously, mercifully, last until his freshman year of college. 

Studies have proven that this will happen.  There’s just no way around it.   The only thing you can do to get a few cool points later on is to play this CD of punk rock baby lullabies.  Who knows, you might even like the lullaby version of White Riot. 

Punkrockbaby.com also offers a Hip-Hop Baby CD, for the more urban parent.

Of course, there’s always the risk that your little one will break into a rendition of White Lines or P.I.M.P at the supermarket.  That one’s gonna be hard to explain.

I can’t promise that this is going to be the last post for doggy items either. Dogs are some people’s “babies” you know; you really shouldn’t be so judgmental.

Not to mention that your little one will thank you one day that she got to look over in the backseat and see Benji riding right alongside her instead of seeing the person in the car next door talking on his cell phone.

My little girl will undoubtedly make jokes too about how her dad has the same name as our dog, albeit a shortened version. But the dog came before the man in my case. Pure coincidence. And I can’t change his name halfway through his life. It just wouldn’t be right.

Now don’t get me wrong. War is NOT the answer. I’m a true pacifist. One of the most evil inventions in all of mankind has been the gun.

It just that the army high chair is just so urban that I couldn’t resist giving it prime coverage on the Baby Gear Guru. I promote products for ALL types of families, urban as well as suburban. Except for non-recycling families. That’s where I draw the line.

You pretty much need one in every color. At the barest minimum you need one to go with a black outfit and one for a brown outfit.

You can never have too many diaper bags either, and tell your Baby Father that. If he gives you any trouble, just say that the Baby Gear Guru said so. Start him early on the “because she said so!” reasoning. That way when your child starts using it in a couple of years, he’ll already be broken in. It’ll be old hat.

Not for the lackadaisical kid, the Silver Cross S4 makes a serious statement. It’s a status symbol for your child. A kid who gets moved around in this vehicle will no doubt grow up demanding a BMW or at the very least a Mercedes for his 16th birthday. I wouldn’t even put it up on Baby Gear Guru if it wasn’t so sleek and beautiful-looking.

Beautiful Baby Daddy wants to buy it for when he takes Beautiful Bebe out on a walk. I wonder if he’s a tad uncomfortable pushing our current pink stroller around. It’s okay, I understand where he’s coming from. There now exist his & her baby strollers, and he just wants a man one. Sort of like a man bag. I wouldn’t want him carrying around a purse all day, now would I? And I can’t argue with Beautiful Baby Daddy either, he’s just so darn cute. What he says goes.

I know this book is overused at the same level as Bob Marley’s Legend, a.k.a. enough to make you want to hurt someone at the mere mention of it, but I want to tout its positives for a moment. I’d appreciate it if you’d humor me too.

Goodnight Moon been putting babies to sleep for the past 60 years, including the Baby Gear Guru herself. Also, in 2005 they removed a cigarette from Papa Bunny’s hand so as not to encourage or glamorize smoking to the yout’. Thank god. About time.

Maybe there will actually be a time in the far-off future where smoking will just be a dark spot in our history, kind of like “when that George W. was our president.”

And that’s okay with me. She could be a professional hackey sacker for all I care, as long as she’s happy. I guess you don’t really understand until you have a child yourself that his or her happiness suddenly becomes of the utmost importance and everything else is so secondary.

I once babysat for this little boy who loved to put on his pink ballerina tutu and “cook” in his little Fisher Price kitchen. His mom would just laugh too. Her attitude, which I’ve now adopted, was “hey, whatever floats my kid’s boat.”

If my little girl wants to wear two-toned shoes and bowling shirts, then more power to her. You can find Beautiful Baby’s first bowling set ever at Oompa Toys. What happened to the Loompa I guess we’ll never know.